i keep on talking trash but i never say anything

gabriel brothers

2008-08-15T04:50:03Z

oh, how you never cease to thrill and excite me. where else can i find urban outfitters apparel for such "low, low prices"? today i went in to your fine establisment in the heart of wickliffe, ohio, and found myself a MC5 baseball tee ($10) and an american apparel v-neck ($2!). only last week i found a gaggle of urban outfitters apparel for $2.50 each! oh, you know how i love your darn clearance sales. our friendship goes way back, about four years? ah yes, sophomore year- my velour juicy hoodie phase. i would scour your racks in search of that perfect $25 dollar zip-up, and wear it till the elbows were no longer soft and fuzzy. but i'm facing a dilema here gabes, do you mind if i call you gabes? alright, just as well. i'm noticing that about one-fourth to one-third of my weekly, monthly, hell-yearly, income goes towards buying the wonders that lie inside your fine off-price retail establishment. this is quite a large sum of money, and although i'm always happy to part with the money at the register, i feel a pang of guilt as i sneak in to my home in the middle of the day, trying to hide my garbage bag, the words "gabriel brothers" printed on the side, like a scarlet letter A. i feel ashamed that i should have to sneak into my own house with my purchases, like i'm smuggling in drugs or an asian hooker. my family is beginning to take notice- my mother will sit me down and tell me that i shouldn't be shopping so much- but i tell her no, my spending is under control- i only spent $10! all lies. today was the first day in a very long time i can remember going in and not spending less than fifty dollars. my friends take notice too, they see a new shirt on me and say "oh, gabes again? nikki you know you should be dealing with your money more wisely". i gnore them. you see, most people have thier addictions- crack, gambling, alchohol (c'mon, who doesnt love a nice bottle of bacardi every weekend, but that's besides the point), mine? mine, yes is shopping. it needs to stop. i cant keep getting sucked in, you have a lure i can't deny, but i think it''s best for me to make a clean break. for at least a week. okay, four days. three. how is it that i'm going from working at a job with a gabriel brothers in the same plaza, to going to another job all the way out in kent with a GABRIEL BROTHERS RIGHT NEXT TO IT! this can't be a coincidence! oh, i'm so ashamed that i've let it get so bad- no matter where i move to i always seem to find you nearby. it can't go on like this. from now on, i'm bringing $20 of cash in with me, and no debit card. and maybe i'll give thrift stores another go. sure, i'm not gonna find any urban outfitters shit there, but it's much cheaper. i'm so sorry it has to end like this. it's not you, it's me. me and my addictive personality. i'm a monster. a well dressed, bargain hunting monster, but a monster nonetheless

nicoohio @ 2008-08-12T13:26:00

2008-08-12T17:31:12Z

doo doo doo
were on to you
tearin her down
talkin her down
under your breath
makin a mess
see she is happy
you wanna break it

your bathing suit
borrowed guitar
tellin her what to think we are
you the number one
wet blanket
you're still around
i wonder why?

this weekend

2008-08-11T05:45:32Z

alright so friday i go to kent with the humans. i shouldve known that they wouldve been socially akward as fuck, but not to the extent that was. we all went to the bro party, and it was somehat lame, bro-age, beer-pongage, ew-age. the humans are jut tanding in the backyard huddled together, not talking to anyone.

(i swear to god. these kids have been smoking themselves retarted for almot five years now. they have virtually no friends outside of theier little group, don't EVER go out, have never had girlfriends, and have never gotten laid. it's so fucked in so many ways. i seriously want to follow these kids around to make an anti- weed documentary. i just think it's absolutely asonine (?) to waste your life sitting around smoking weed. sure i indulge on occasion, but i've realized that life is much more fun OFF the couch, OFF your ass, OUT of the house, going somwehere, doing something. i cant blieve i've been wasting around with these losers all summer. sarah, roxanne, and i compared it to the kids in superbad, when theyre talking about their "crazy night out on the town" and in reality they sat around and shotgunned beers. it's funny when it's not real, but in real-life it's just downright depressing. i like doing PRODUCTIVE things- reading sewing, learning new shit- anything but sitting around high as fuck all day with y friends watching you-tube videos. i swear to god, these are the kids that end up living in thier parents basement till thier 37, thier moms buying them cds and ice cream because they have no maney.)

A bunch of the (ex)alamo kids went with us- allison, sam, erin, zatch, and a few other kids. i'm talking to everyone and rambling my ass off because i'm so excited to see all of them and was a but tipsy, and brian is talking while im trying to listen to someone else talking, saying mean shit about me when im talking ("oh you get a few drinks in nikki and then she finally talks" no- i only talk to people that i know have something interesting to say back asshole). hes fuckin creepin right behind me or next to me for a while, annoying the FUCKING SHIT out of me. so i'm standing in the bro backyard mainding my own business, smoking a black and mild (a filthy habit- which i have no more interest in) and who the fuck walks up but justin. ew. baldness hidden by a hat. retch retch retch. hes like heyyyyy and gives me a hug, then is like why are you so pissed jeez. ive realized that my natural face is a grimace, but im sure seeing him wasnt helping me be anymore fucking smiley. why the FUCK was he there???? i was so excited to have a house to party at that i knew he wouldnt be at, so much for that. so yeah after that he ignored me. the entire rest of the night he did not talk to me, or even look at me. i tried to talk to him at sams. i was like so how have you been?and hes like okkk, actin like hed rather be anywhere else than talking to me at that moment. and im like dude i just want us to be cool. and hes like yeahhh and fuckin WALKS AWAY. i swear to god i want to strangle him. i dont have feelings for him. im just sick of everyone looking at me like im the most pitiful thing in the world. i really wish that i wouldve just broken up with him so that i wouldb=nt have to be the fucking dumpee that everyone feels sorry for. he's doing such dumb shit, like the other night at the tower i guess he kept talking about how him and this gril were hanging out, sayin it loud as fuck so sarah would hear, looking right at her the whole time. like really dude? im just trying to be your friend your just making yourself look like a jackass. something you seem to excel at lately. that was the last straw. so yeah needless to say, i was quite salty by the time i returned to sarah and roxannes, and the humans are being DRUNKASSES, beating the shit out of eachother, screaming, taking thier shirts off, it was some high school shit if ive ever seen any. PJ (who was not invited over and is infamous for not being able to keep down his alchohol) threw up EVERYWHERE in the attic. it reeked to the high heavens. i really wanted to punch everyone one of those fuckers in the face. they are such losers.

But yeah i realized that i need to start hanging out with more productive individuals- and if not productive, then fun. i NEED more fun in my life! after almost four months of doing a whole lot of nothing i need to jam pack as much fun as possible into this school year. i love roxanne and sarah with all of my heart, but i just feel like theyre waaaay to into smoking weed all the time. like the whole weekend we just sat around and smoked during the day. i was so bored! i hate sitting around! but it's all they ever want to do anymore is smoke. it saddens me. you know what we did this morning? we smoke about three bowls, then decded to make some muffins. there were five of us- myself, sarah, roxanne, stephanie, and jerrel. we made 24 muffins. we ate all of them. we were all sitting around, blazed as fuck in the puke ass attic (FUCK PJ) and i'm just like. "we just sat around and ate a shitload of muffins!" i was absolutely horrified with myself. i still am. i probably gained like 3 pounds this weekend, so much for my diet and exercise program. i'm just trying to get my shit together- be more productive, more confident, make new friends, and get good grades, LOSE WEIGHT, and smoking weed will not help me with any of these. i seriously freak the fuck out when i smoke. i overanalyze every single thing im doing, cant thing of a damn thing to say, and my heart beats out of my chest and i feel like im going to die. fuckin peer pressure. im sick of it! i know that i cant very well stop all my friends from smoking, so im just gonna have to hang out with my non-weed friends often to keep me sane.

I WOULD RATHER READ A BOOK THAN SMOKE A BOWL

haha thats my new motto.

ive learned a lot about myself over the summer. as much as it SUCKED being home, it was nice to get away from everything for a while and reflect. i realized that the way i was going about my life was all wrong. my mission every weekend was to go out and get as shitfaced as possible. this never ended well. just this past weekend i realized that i don't need to drink myself into oblivion thursday through saturday. i had so much more fun just being a little tipsy and making conversation! i talked to annie friday, ive always thought she was really cool, but i thought she didnt like me because i was such a drunkass. but she was like yeah i think your'e awesome, it was nice! i was like sweet i made a friend snaps for me man. i have no reason to hide myself from the world. ive read about twenty books this summer, and i feel so much smarter! seriously though, i use much bigger words. ive realized how much i love to learn. and how happy i am when i do little things for myself. and ive realized that i absolutely love writing! when me and justin broke up, i wrote in a notebook all the time to deal with shit, and now its like i always want to be writing, even if it's a silly little to-do list. so im gonna try to just write on here- its quicker than handwriting, and no one i know has a livejournal (or knows that i have one) so ill just write whatever i want. im just trying to reinvent myself- i dont want to be known as "sarah and/ or roxannes friend that never talks and drinks too much" i want to establish my own identity. i need to stop hiding in sarah and roxannes shadow and branch out on my own. i'm actually glad that i ended up living in a dorm this year, it'll be nice to meet some new people that have a lot in common with me.

i also need to bring my grades up. i fucked up so much last semster. i hung out all the time (usually waste of time boring shit too), never went to class (it was cold! but defintely worth getting good grades to trek through the snow), got shitty and hooked up with (gross) boys, and once me and justin started dating all i ever did was hang out with hi and his annoying friends. i never did anything for myself, all i did was sit around and watch tv or creep on myspace. i never did anything productive, so as a result i felt like shit about myself. and because i felt like shit about myself, i was too inscure to make new friends or be able to be non clingy with justin.

anyways, more of this self-righteous bullshit later. i slept on a couch the past two nights, i can't wait to fall asleep in my own bed!

a few things...

2007-11-11T01:26:36Z

1. im pissed i came hom ethis weekend. my family is a bunch of crazies
2. my friends suck ass.

....

2007-11-10T00:42:32Z

i saw the cutest boy ever on the bus today.... he stood right next to me and laughed with me at the crazies on the bus. and i dint say anything to him. im a giant pussy.

long time no post

2007-10-26T22:25:28Z

im finally becoming happy with my life. when i first came here, i had barely any friends, a shitty boyfriend, and i was extreemly depressed. but being here is so freeing. now im single and happy :D i can go out anytime i want, come home whenever i want, its awesome. class sucks though, and im still lazy about doing my homework. i love all my classes though!

im still trying to grow my hair out. and i still need to lose my pouchy pouch but its cool. ive been eating healthier, reading more, getting into new music, and branching out and making new friends.

i got an issue of spin magazine, and the entire issue was about 77 punk

LyKe OmG_~%%4*

2007-08-21T02:05:14Z

ahh i cant believe im leaving for kent in 2 days! technically one i guess! its so wierd, after almost 18 years of living under my parents ridiculous rules ill finally have some damn freedom! and im so excited to meet cool people woo. oh yeah i'm starting to get amy winehouse comparisons left and right. i love it! i love her! i love looking like her! even though its because of my giant jaw!

nicoohio @ 2007-07-15T15:30:00

2007-07-15T19:32:20Z

after all, the true sign that it is time to walk away is when you begin to put down new roots and your life finally begins to blossom.

nicoohio @ 2007-07-13T14:17:00

2007-07-13T18:17:58Z

im so sick of you. youre boring and you treat me like shit.

bored

2007-07-10T01:02:00Z

work was so boring today gahh. but i went shopping. im reading this book called "Actually, it IS you parents fault." its about how to manage your relationships and such, and its actually quite interesting. it says that the way you act in your relationship and who you pick to be in relationships with is all based on how your parents treated you and eachother. its crazy.

blah update

2007-07-06T04:10:55Z

today sucked. i had to work, and there was four of us, so tips sucked ass. i didnt even need to work. whatever. the puffy chair is a cute movie, and so is the life aquatic, and american splendor. i love getting movies from the library :) i also made $44 in trade from plato's clset, but i spent 14 dollas on a knockoff marc jacobs purse (im classy, i know) and a hat. so i guess today wasnt totally lost. but right beofe i went to work david called me to go to the movies so blahh. im tired. i cant wait to go to the library tommorow to get more indie movies and self help books. they had the new nylon book pretty there....and it is so f-ing adorable. it has all these beauty icons from all the way back to the 20's, including edie <3 woooo

money i made today:

exchange check: + $69 (hehe)
platos closet: +30
tip dollas: +15

$114. not too shabby.

uggh. but anyway, i hate my life. im getting more and more sick of living in my house everyday. i have the dumbest curfew ever. it ruins everything. i cant wait to go to kent and meet some actually cool people. everyone in wickliffe can kiss my ass. but i thought of this great idea to wear like fur klondike hat wenever im drunk and/ or high....so i gotta get on that and buy one. wow i rambled on for like ever im done

talk to me!

2007-06-28T02:04:25Z

new to livejournal...tryin to meet some new people